Thank you for reading my blog.
We are hearing more and more on the news about people's horrific experiences of abuse and what it means both at the time for the victim, and also for the future living with its effects. And I just wanted to share something I read in a newspaper -
BULLIES LEAVE EVEN DEEPER MENTAL SCARS THAN THOUGHT
Of course, to those of us who have suffered at the hands of bullies ... mentally, emotionally and physically, this comes as no surprise. But finally, it seems, the rest of the nation are taking it on board:
'Child bullying victims suffer far more than the odd flashback. Often they experience deep-seated trauma and physical damage to genes that regulate mood, research shows. As a result, victims are more vulnerable to developing mental health issues in later life.
Dr Isabelle Ouellet-Morin, author of the study from the Centre for Studies on Human Stress in Canada said: 'Many people think our genes are immutable; however this study suggests that environment, even the social environment, can affect their functioning. This is particularly the case for victimisation experiences in childhood which change not only our stress response but also the functioning of genes involved in mood regulation.''
I was bullied from a young age. I was different, born with a disability which meant wearing irons on my legs. Children can be cruel. I became the butt of their jokes, but then as I grew up, I learned victim behaviour, walking head well down, hiding in the shadows, unable to answer back or to say 'No' ... which led me in turn to being sexually abused.
Growing up was hell!
But the lasting effects still live with me in this my 60th year.
At a time when my partner/fiance is having to work away from home during the week, I have to learn all over again how to be Home Alone. During the day I stick to a routine, keeping busy, busy, busy, anything to switch off thought and feeling. But as soon as darkness comes, the shadows in my mind start weaving their story of the past, and again I am the victim, traumatised, images of my bullies and abusers dominating the evening and night with flashbacks and the agony of having it happening again.
Bullying isn't something that stops just because the bully is gone and those days are past. It lives on in the mind and comes back to haunt at those times especially when we are most vulnerable. And the trauma is just as real. It isn't about keeping nightlights flickering around the house to keep the darkness at bay. The darkness is in our minds. The memories evoked are just as evil. And they can leave us feeling just as they did when it was first happening to us.
And yes, mental illness in the form of depression at least can follow.
Those with experience of bullying and the trauma of abuse don't need experts to tell us how we feel, the way it is. But perhaps the world will start listening ... learning ... understanding as far as they can without actually having been a victim enough to offer the kind of empathy and response we need.
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